i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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