Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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