A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
