the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
