even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
