I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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