Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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