Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
