well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
