my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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