gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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