Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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