and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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