You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
