you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
