i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
