I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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