I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
