Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
