im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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