He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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