Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
