I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
