I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
