hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
