She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
