i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
