I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
