You made me cry and you don't even care
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
