yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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