Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
