I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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