I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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