the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
