Kiss
Puke
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
