this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she smelled like a LAN party
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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