he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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