Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
