idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
