the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
