O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
