yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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