He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
