Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wish my penis had a tongue
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
