Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
