You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
