Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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