the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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