cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
