This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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