in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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