She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
