this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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