I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
