Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
